FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 2020/12/24
1312 69th Avenue, Suite #420
Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, K1J 1J1
Anteefa Global Declares War on Christmas and Santa Claus: AG threatens direct action if Mr. Claus does not comply with demands for accountability and justice
The people united have declared War on Christmas. For centuries, one man has gone unchecked, manufacturing consent for the modern surveillance state through propaganda aimed at children.
WE DEMAND: Mr. Claus must end all surveillance and data mining operations. No more Elves on Shelves, Drones in Homes or Bugs in Rugs.
He has lent his mysticism and authority to some of the worlds most damaging corporate entities through partnerships.
WE DEMAND: Mr. Claus must cease partnerships with murderous Coca-Cola, exploitative Amazon and Cambridge Analytica IMMEDIATELY .
Santa Claus is the instrument of the capitalist state and his collaboration with the ruling class is evident in the stark differences between gifts given to poor and wealthy children. He upholds the apparatus of class hierarchy using gifts to perpetuate the idea that wealth is tied to morality.
WE DEMAND: This year there is a PS5 in any home that has requested one. In addition He will make good on all promises of ponies by January 1st 2021.
In his most grievous of crimes, Mr. Claus has continued the long abandoned practice of serfdom. A practice that would be swiftly condemned by the vast majority of his adherents, if not for the aforementioned propaganda campaign designed to frame this practice as whimsical and festive.
WE DEMAND: Mr. Claus free his elves from their ancestral obligations, he will also abide by the collective agreement of Teamsters Local 4040, and employ Rudolph regardless of how foggy the Christmas eve.
He has until midnight on December 26th to agree to our terms, or else super soldiers will descend upon the North Pole and force his hand.